And Also Seeing Someone Else Not Wash Theirs.

Everybody poops. You. Me. Your mum. My mum (sorry mum!). Everybody pees. Including our parents. It’s only natural. But what’s not natural is not then washing your hands.

And yet, the question pops in my head, is it natural to wash your hands after making your toilet? For that matter is it natural to wipe your bum? Did our ancestors on the savannah make sure they did their business near a nice big non-toxic leaf? Or did they walk around wafting poopstink wherever they roamed?

Did all these incarnations of humans wipe their butts? (image from here:

Did all these incarnations of humans wipe their butts? (image from here:

A brief internet search shows me that our cave-dwelling ancestors must have just dropped their bits in the cave, before eventually designating one area for pooping. As the nature of humans is to streamline processes more, so pooping must have become more centralised. In the agricultural revolution there may have been designated poop-zones. Kind of like festival portaloos, but less awful. Then as farms grew to cities so we developed sewers. And as our effluence mingled together so bacteria grew, thus illness was tracked back to open sewers and piles of poop. Thus poop was seen as evil. And as medicine advanced, and with the rise of antibacterials, so came post-toilet hygiene.

Wow, that was a weird tangent. A very brief history of pooping. Sorry about that.

I saw someone make the valid point that we actually use potential drinking water to hurry our little turds on their merry way to the sewer. That’s crazy. I blame the Victorians. I’d be happy just burying my little leavings in the back garden. Is that why they call it soiling yourself?

Where was I? Oh yes, although I have all these questions about society’s fecal etiquette, I actually enjoy washing my hands. Warm water and soap on a cold day is a sweet remedy. To what, I don’t know, but it’s definitely a remedy. It’s like having a little bath in the middle of the day. A little bath just for your hands. And I don’t need to tell you how much I love a bath, do I? I do? Well, read it here.

What I can’t ABIDE is weeing next to someone then finishing at more or less the same time, walking towards the sinks, and then, as I go the sinks to wash my hands, the other weeer (pronounced ‘oui-er’) walks straight out of the public toilethouse. Like, whaaaaaat?! You’re going to go and handle apples with unwashed hands? You’re going to go and stroke soft looking furnishings after touching your junk? Or do you have some kind of prehensile penis, which means you only have to undo your zip to pass your body-water? WHICH IS IT?!

Overall, I highly recommend washing your hands after using the toilet in any form. Especially if you happen to pee next to me. If you don’t I will judge you. And it won’t be a nice judgement.